I can’t write because I can’t think.
I can’t think because I can’t eat.
I can’t eat because I can’t stop
thinking.
February 21, 2012
6 notes
February 3, 2012
5 notes
February 2, 2012
18 notes
February 2, 2012
33 notes
i want to be with kurt.
i wake up this morning, and i feel weak.
i am feeling the affects of three days of heavy restriction.
today won’t be different.
i think i might be repenting, for the guilt i feel.
my father died, and i can’t stop thinking.
it’s hard not to punish my body, when he was instilled this self hatred in me so long ago.
why is this still with me if he won’t be?
i worry i’ll be like him.
kurt tells me i wont, but i’m afraid. he died a sad man, delusional and depressed with mental illness, and angry i think.
we didn’t let him go to thanksgiving because it is too sad, too uncomfortable for all of us, and he never understood that it was hard to act like a family, after everything, when we had no relationship with him. i felt badly then.
i feel much worse every day.
he died a few days afterwards, after we didn’t see him. mum tried to call him that evening, because he was supposed to call and he didn’t. i don’t know if he was sick then and couldn’t call, or just didn’t want too. or didn’t notice.
i know we had Christmases and Thanksgivings and Easters and we must have been happy with him, but i don’t remember them. it was too long ago.
everything inside me hurts.
(Source: build-the-moon)
January 31, 2012
1 note
Florence sat with her back straight up against the chair. It was uncomfortably hard, but she liked how solid it felt on her soft back. The bones didn’t ache where they had been touching the metal too long, her body didn’t even groan when she sat up. She feels healthy.
She is disgusted.
Today I am restricting. Keep myself away from Food, because thinking about it in my stomach makes me feel defeated and sick.
And tired.
January 30, 2012
90 notes
But people can be cursed, can’t they? They could have something, an affliction, that’s beyond their control. Couldn’t they? - Pippa Cross
love how she draws.
January 30, 2012
22 notes
i had always wanted to try absinthe.
mostly because i was half convinced i’d become closer to the fantasy heroine that’s always lurking inside me,
and i had it this week.
less luxurious than i had imagined,
in a plastic cup on a motel bed.
so drunk on an ugly bedspread.
(Source: miryklay)
January 30, 2012
77 notes
decorating my bedroom this week,
but why can’t i live in this one instead!
(Source: emmsmartin, via alive-still-need2live)
